Hi friend,
How are you?
If you’ve been following me for a while you know how much I believe in the importance of slowing down and making time for rest. Recently I found myself moving through my days at such an accelerated pace that I felt like I was heading for another burnout. Because I’ve been in that place of depletion and exhaustion before, I’ve gotten pretty good at recognizing the warning signs but it’s always interesting to notice just how easily I can lose my footing.
When I started to think about what might be happening, a couple of things came to mind. I think I’ve underestimated the toll that these past few years have taken on me and it can be jarring to feel like things are “back to normal” when clearly they’re not. I see such a deep fracturing beneath the surface and it’s important for me to name and acknowledge it (which is tough to do when you’re moving so fast that you can barely catch your breath). When it comes to slowing down, I’ve been thinking about the ways in which resting was never something that was encouraged or modelled for me during my childhood. Let’s just say that I don’t have a lot of memories of seeing my exceedingly hard-working immigrant parents doing nothing.
As a child I was always the responsible one. The one who was taught to be caring and loving, but not necessarily towards herself. For a long time I thought that this was okay when it wasn’t. While I’m getting better at asking for my needs, there are still moments when I notice a myself getting angry and resentful. This anger is often directed at my partner who is naturally laid-back and who has no qualms about taking breaks when he needs to which I find so triggering. I read something by coach Marina Yanay-Triner recently that really struck me. She writes “it is normal that your partner triggers you so much. Your partner is your closest attachment figure, after your parents in childhood, so in a sense your partner continues this attachment dynamic you’ve had with your caregivers in childhood. Whatever isn’t healed, whatever wounds still stand gaping open, your partner will trigger that in you. Also, we are attracted to the people who embody qualities of ourselves that we have rejected or disowned in some way. For example, if you are always go, go, go and you’ve disowned the part of you that loves resting, and for as long as you continue to forbid yourself (unconsciously) to rest, that partner will continue to trigger you when they are resting. This is a beautiful way in which the universe works for us, so that we can heal deeper, and actually accept more and more parts of ourselves.”
My mental fitness training has taught me to look for the gifts and opportunities that can be found in challenging moments, so this been a good wake-up call for me. I’m actively recommitting to the practices that make me feel rested and restored because I honestly believe that it’s the small promises that we keep to ourselves on a daily basis that are the building blocks to creating the life that we want.
Here’s to becoming more conscious of how you spend your energy. May you figure out how to let go of the places, things, and relationships that are taking more from you than you realize.
May this coming month renew you with goodness and blessings.
Sending love,
Vesna
The love list:
Watching: The wonderful new seasons of Ramy and Reservation Dogs. I also enjoyed Hasan Minhaj’s comedy special, The King’s Jester
Reading: The Sentence by Louise Erdrich
Listening: Nap minister, Tricia Hersey in conversation with Glennon Doyle on how to finally rest