Hi friend,
It’s been over a month since I last wrote to you. This was unintended on my part. Sometimes life forces you to step back and slow down. I had so many magnificent plans for a joyous and restorative summer but a nasty bout of Covid took me out for a big chunk of August. I was hoping to come back to you feeling fully revived, but the truth is that I’m easing back into work and life more slowly than expected and that’s okay.
So much self-judgment and guilt arises within me when I’m just floating along, but if these pandemic years have taught me anything it’s that I need to be more conscious of how and where I direct my energy. For so long I didn’t realize that trying to create big beautiful things from deep exhaustion and over-work only took me further away from myself. To this day I sometimes lose myself in work because it’s a way to run away, or numb myself against, the fear and anxiety that comes from slowing down.
Here’s an exercise from Rachel Schwartzmann that I’ve been sharing with clients who are looking to incorporate moments of rest into their days: “Set your timer for five minutes and do nothing. Stare at the desk or the wall or the dust motes in a slice of sunlight. Then write about the thoughts, the questions, and the answers that came up in that moment of slowness, of stillness.”
As you become more conscious of how you’re spending your energy and what you’re paying attention to, the eternally wise Lama Rod Owens invites us to ask this question: Am I being depleted or am I being sustained?
I’d love to hear from you and learn about the practices that are bringing you aliveness these days.
Wishing you moments of ease, moments of joy, a single deeper breath.
All my love,
Vesna
The love list:
Watching: Mo
Reading: Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner
Listening: Lies About the War by Jacob Banks