Hi lovely,
How are you?
I’ve been thinking about surrender lately. It’s probably the thing that I struggle with the most. I love feeling in control and I’m deeply attached to the routines and rituals that help keep me grounded and focused. I’m learning to be more open and flexible when life inevitably throws curveballs my way.
Here are a couple of stories and approaches that have helped me with this lifelong practice.
You might be familiar with this first story. It is foundational to my PQ learning and it is one that I reflect on often:
The Stallion Story
An old farmer lives on his farm with his teenage son. He also has a beautiful stallion that he lovingly cares for. The farmer enters his stallion into the annual country fair competition. His stallion wins first prize. The farmer’s neighbors gather to congratulate him on this great win. He calmly says, “Who knows what is good and what is bad?” Puzzled by this reaction, the neighbors go away.
The next week, some thieves who heard about the stallion’s increased value steal the horse. When the neighbors come to commiserate with the farmer, they find him again very calm and gathered. He says, “Who knows what is good and what is bad?”
Several days later, the spirited stallion escapes from the thieves and finds his way back to the farm, bringing with him a few wild mares he has befriended along the way. To his neighbors’ excited rounds of congratulations, the old farmer once again says, “Who knows what is good and what is bad?”
A few weeks later, the farmer’s son is thrown off one of these new mares as he is trying to break it in, and his leg is fractured. As the neighbors gather to commiserate with the old farmer, he once again reminds them, “Who knows what is good and what is bad?”
The following week, the imperial army marches through the village, conscripting all eligible young men for the war that has just broken out. The old farmer’s son is spared due to his fractured leg. The neighbors no longer bother to come to the old farmer to congratulate him. By now they know what his response will be: “Who knows what is good and what is bad?”
This story is a good reminder that when unexpected things happen, we cannot immediately know if they are good or bad. It also illustrates that fact that we can find gifts and opportunities in even the most difficult situations.
The next story is one that I first read in this wonderful Oliver Burkeman article. Burkeman shares how the spiritual teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti was giving a lecture once and he asked the audience if they wanted to know his secret to life. His answer was, “I don’t mind what happens.”
I’m trying it out, this whole learning-to-not-mind-what-happens business. It’s so hard, but I try to remind myself that sometimes the bad things that happen put us directly on the path to the most wonderful things that will ever happen to us.
I am sending you love, ease and care as you continue to learn to be with the unknown.
Warmly,
Vesna
The love list:
Watching: ALOK and dressing for pure joy
Reading: Cyndie Spiegel on finding microjoys
Listening: The deep joy that comes from knowing that De La Soul is finally available on streaming services